Partner in crime

This will sound corny but he really is my best friend. The person I want to share everything with at the end of the day. It’s not all fun and games but still he is the one I want next to me. He is a VERY patient man! The past year and a half has been like a roller coaster ride. The first 6-7 months after giving birth was the hardest time I have ever been through. What with a very demanding new born, exhaustion, postpartum depression and raging hormones, he was my rock. It must have been very stressful, confusing and frustrating to see me like that when it was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives. He was patient and supportive (as much as possible) in my paranoid hormone driven dark time. I would have good days and bad days but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good. A day would start off great and I would feel strong and just like that everything would change, from one minute to another I would go dark. So I want to thank him for being there for me through this tough time.

He currently works two jobs to support us and to allow me to be a full time mother.

I know I’m not always a bundle of joy but I want to express my massive gratitude and appreciation for everything he does for me and our mini family!

The sisterhood of motherhood

While at the playground the other day I met a woman that had a toddler around the same age as mine. We got talking and we had so much in common regarding our children. The struggles a mother goes through are pretty much the same for all the moms I have talked to. As we got talking we told each other our toddlers issues (sleeping, eating the usual concerns) our issues as moms (never ending exhaustion), how our relationships are affected (arguing over anything and everything) and as we traded our stories I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders… I am not alone… we all go through the same thing. So if you’re having a bad day or struggling with motherhood, talk to someone even if you’ve never met before, I assure you we are all in the same boat and we can all relate.

The no sleep cry solution!

This is where the baby doesn’t sleep and I end up crying from exhaustion! For the past 16 months I haven’t slept for more than 3 hours straight without having a crying baby wake me up! 3 hours straight is what I get on a really good day. Up until recently I have been cosleeping and breastfeeding my little bub. I’ve put his cot next to my bed like a sidecar, but I feel like I disturb his sleep when I’m next to him, so a couple of weeks ago I decided to try to get him to sleep in his own room. I put a single mattress on the floor in his room and breastfed him to sleep as per usual. I started doing it only for his afternoon naps to see how it goes. It was a success right away without crying or fussing! After 2 weeks of smooth sailing I mustered up the courage to try it at night. So last night I bit the bullet and went through with it! He only woke up twice!!! The first time he woke I went into his room got him back to sleep and went back to my bed where I could finally move around and get comfortable without the fear of waking him up!

The second time he woke up was at 5:30 in the morning so I just slept with him on the single mattress till 8! This in my books is a huge success! I hope it continues to go this well!

The joys of motherhood

Those special moments that appear out of nowhere and make it all worth it…

Just when you’re starting to wonder if you have the strength to go on, a little smile appears, those first times your baby says mum, mommy, mama, a juicy kiss, a hug, a laugh, a crawl, the first steps, a loving look, even a quiet 5 minutes just blows you away! You fall in love over and over again, each time these things happen. It’s our reward for all the hard work we’ve put in and boy does it pay off!

As I’m sitting here writing this I can hear his babbling through the monitor as my hubby is changing him and my heart just melts! 

These precious moments make my heart burst with love.

I wouldn’t change this for the world!

The thing about it’s just a phase…

Everything about raising your child from day one is “just a phase”. It’s a great way to comfort people when they are deep in the shit. You give them hope by saying “it’s just a phase” it’ll pass. But what you don’t know is that when this phase passes, you’re like fuck yeah I did it bitches! NOT SO FAST SUCKER! 

Next come growth spurts, teething, colds, flus, separation anxiety, puberty! It never ends! It bitchslaps you in the face when you least expect it! Just when you feel proud of yourself for getting through that one phase in one piece and you start feeling confident again a new phase comes along and slams you down again! Oh the joys of motherhood! It’s filled with all kinds of bittersweet contradictions! But it really is worth it! As much as we bitch and moan, motherhood is one of a kind and has all kinds of beautiful surprises in store for us (will get to that next time)!

Survival mode

The first few weeks after you’ve given birth is all about surviving. Or at least that’s how it was for me! 

I had a baby that would nurse, sleep, poo, nurse, sleep, poo and nurse some more! I spent an average of 9 hours a day nursing! I kid you not! This child was literally sucking the life out of me! As if sleep deprivation wasn’t enough he had to take the little energy I had left in me by nursing non stop! I felt like I was in a daze and this lasted quite a long time. 

Some time during the first couple of weeks I remember telling myself “don’t have another baby, just don’t”! It was a combination of exhaustion, pain and hormones speaking. But of course what people say is true, “it’s a phase it’ll pass”, even though you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. Before you know it you’re in another phase, but I’ll rant about that another time.

I had a really hard time coping with all this. I still do 14 months later, but not at the level I did back then. Now I’ll have a bad day every now an then. Back then all days were the same. I didn’t even have the energy to take a shower on most days, but I did because those were the only 10 minutes I had to my self. 10 minutes to day dream, 10 minutes to cry guilt free.

In retrospect I had a bad case of PPD but when you in the shit you can’t tell. You just struggle through the days thinking that it’s just a phase I’ll push through. By the time I realized that something wasn’t right, my baby was already 7 months old!

So I looked into it. I pulled myself together and made an effort to get out of my pj’s every day. Go out, go to the gym and start taking care of myself. Cause if mommy isn’t well, noone is!

Before this revelation, I made sure I took the baby out and we’d spend time together outside as a family but it always seemed like a chore, it felt forced. 

Once I started taking care of myself, it made all the difference in the world!

The first week with my new arrival

So I delivered on a Tuesday morning at 4:20 am. I was taken to recovery where they brought my baby in order to breastfeed. The nurse showed me what I had to do and luckily enough he latched on pretty quickly but they took him away from me within 10 minutes. I was stuck in recovery for 2 hours asking to see my baby but they wouldn’t bring him back. I finally got to my room around 7 I guess where I had to wait at least another couple of hours for them to bring him. So I had just given birth to MY baby and they wouldn’t bring him to me for 4-5 hours! That drove me crazy! After that a flood of people came in parents, siblings, cousins… It was like a big fat greek delivery! There was no respect that I had just pushed a baby out of my vagina, I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours, I just had a new addition to my life and needed time to adjust. It’s my fault for not being strict but everyone was so happy and I was so overwhelmed so I didn’t say anything. This went on till the evening (so now 32 hours of no sleep). The first night was really hard. The epidural and my adrenalin had worn off and exhaustion and PAIN was kicking in. The baby woke up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed. Every time I started to doze off he would wake up again… 

My entire body was in pain. My muscles from straining during delivery, my groin was on fire, my boobs hurt from breastfeeding to the point where I couldn’t breathe when he latched on. All this lasted 2 weeks. I could barely sit up, I could’t find a comfortable position to breastfeed. 

So the next day went by in the same manner, people coming and going, I was in pain and exhausted. 

On the third day we noticed that the baby stopped waking up for feedings and when he did he wasn’t strong enough to suck. They ran some blood tests and it turned out he had jaundice and this was making him sleepy and weak. I had to feed him as much as possible in order for him to recover but the problem was we did’t know how much he was eating. So I started pumping which meant more sleepless nights! I woke up every 2 hours and pumped from both breasts and then had to feed a baby that kept on falling asleep so by the time I was done it was time for the next pump! I must say I am very greatfull that my husband was there for all this and he helped me feed our baby. Next day and the blood test showed that the levels had gone up! So we had to put him under a UV lamp. At that point my hormones had rushed in! I was crying uncontrollably for an entire day. That was the day we were supposed to go home and now I find out that we’ll have to stay in for another couple of nights… I just wanted to be home alone. I felt exhausted and hopeless. Every shred of happiness was drained from my body. I couldn’t control the crying, everyone thought it was because the baby had jaundice but it wasn’t. I just couldn’t explain what was going on. I could barely breath from the crying and noone seemed to understand or respect that I just wanted to be alone. 

The following day the doctor told me that if the blood levels were below 15 i could go home. First tests showed over 17. Fuck I couldn’t take another day of this chaos. I asked them to take another test later in the day.

Thank the universe the level was 13.4! Later suckers, I’m out of here!

Once I was home, I was still exhausted and in pain, but I was HOME!

My package has arrived!

Birth story
At 37 weeks + 2 days I went to my scheduled doctors appointment where I was asked if I had started having contractions. I said no, since I hadn’t felt anything but as I was getting my ultrasound the doctor noticed I was having some strong ones. So she hooked me up to the monitor and it showed that I was having very strong contractions and quite regularly. I could only feel my belly tightening if I focused really hard. The doc told me that I would go into labour soon with contractions this strong but as I was only 1 cm dilated she sent me home and told me to call her if they get stronger and more frequent, otherwise I would go in for a check up in the morning.

So I went home and stayed up most of the night freaked out about going into labour in the middle of the night and checking to see if my waters broke!

Long story short another two days went by in the same way, back and forth to my doctors practice but nothing to show for it! The weekend came so I was told to call if my status changed, so I played the waiting game once again.

Come Monday I had my schedule appointment again. The doc examined me and I was now 2 centimeters dilated. She hooked me up to the monitor again and my contractions were going strong.

She sent me home once again and told me to go back after 2 hours.

Once again I was disappointed, frustrated and tired from sleeping with one eye open for 5 days.

Back at the doc’s again, the monitor showed full on contractions that I could still barely feel. The doc and midwife were shocked that I was pretty much in labour and couldn’t feel it (can’t complain).

She told me to go out for a walk and come back after 2 hours. After walking around and knocking back two ice creams I sat down on the couch and that’s when I felt some slight pressure on my lower back (again not painful). 

I called the midwife and she told me to go straight to the hospital and she’d meet me there. The show had finally started!!!

The drive to the hospital was surreal, I felt like I was in a trance. My husband and I didn’t know what to say to eachother, so we were just sitting in silence looking staight ahead.

By the time I got to the hospital it was 10 pm so I was already tired but excited!

They got me ready and took me to the room of pain (that is the literal translation from greek).

I was hooked up again and that’s when the midwife noticed that the baby’s heart rate had dropped. I moved around and tried laying on different sides but still nothing. About 5 nurses and my doctor rushed into the room and started panicking. That’s when my husband walked in so he can be with me so imagine the shock he had! My doc put some medicine in my IV and the veins in my arm went black! The room started spinning like crazy. No One could understand why my veins were black, I couldn’t open my eyes cause I felt like throwing up, it was horrible. The babies heart rate went back to normal though so that meant I wasn’t going in for an emergency c-section.

After about 20 minutes I calmed down, my veins were back to normal and I was feeling a bit better.

I had the epidural placed and they had to break my waters so we could get on with it cause obviously the baby was in distress.

After that the night proceeded with me pushing every now and then and talking to my midwife about where she should take her children on holiday! At around 4:10 am the baby’s head started to show so I was rushed into the delivery room where I really started pushing! By 4:18 my little bub was out! 

I was flooded by emotions, my little boy was finally here! 💙

9 months pt 3

The third trimester

This is where the fun started! I went shopping for all the baby stuff, decorated the nursery, organized clothes, ordered diapers etc. 

Towards the end of month 7 my baby was already in position and hanging out very low so I was advised not to walk too much or be very active, which was great! I got to hang out on the couch and do nothing all day! Little did I know that this was the last time I’d get to sit on a couch for more than 10 minutes at a time for the next year. I had some trouble getting comfortable at night, so sleeping was a bit of a challenge towards the end. I was waddling around like a fat duck and was out of breath just trying to get my shoes on. But other than that everything was great, I couldn’t wait to get the show started! I had my hospital bag packed from week 32 and emptied it and repacked about 5 more times before it was actually time to use it. Before I knew it, I was in week 37 and I started having contractions…

D-day story coming soon!

Ps. This photo was taken 1 day before I went into labour

9 months pt 2

The second trimester

A couple of weeks into the second trimester the slight feeling of nausea I had, slowly faded away. Next up were the cravings! I’ve always had a sweet tooth especially for chocolate. A wouldn’t go by where I didn’t have at least one chocolate bar or some cake or ice cream. I had a sweet tooth on steroids!

The second trimester is the nicest period of pregnancy. The sleepiness and nausea has passed and you start seeing your little babybump! By far the best part of it though is that moment when you feel the first little flutter in your stomach! The flutter turns into tiny pokes and soon enough my husband could feel the baby too! It was all becoming real!!!

In general I was super relaxed about the whole pregnancy/giving birth thing (or at least I felt I was). I had my mind set on natural birth, rooming in at the hospital (in Greece you have the choice to room in with your baby or they take it away and bring it to you every few hours), exclusively breastfeeding, cosleeping, attachment parenting etc. So I spent my time looking into information on parenting pages, blogs and forums trying to find what parenting style I like and could identify with.